He says it quietly, and does not look at the man as he walks to the door, and across into the bathing chamber. He cannot take pride in not being dead, nor in not managing to stop what has happened to him. He came willingly - blindly, but willingly - and so it is impossible not to blame himself.
Impossible to quell the fury though, too. And it is also shameful, because he has always been proud of his control of his violent nature. But this exceeds any situation he has found himself in before, and surely he is allowed to do what he must to defend himself?
He tells himself this as he sinks into the bath. It is better than trying to resist the desire to strike. And he is not sure he cares any longer - he is lost, has been lost for months, and he must hold on to anything he can.
no subject
He says it quietly, and does not look at the man as he walks to the door, and across into the bathing chamber. He cannot take pride in not being dead, nor in not managing to stop what has happened to him. He came willingly - blindly, but willingly - and so it is impossible not to blame himself.
Impossible to quell the fury though, too. And it is also shameful, because he has always been proud of his control of his violent nature. But this exceeds any situation he has found himself in before, and surely he is allowed to do what he must to defend himself?
He tells himself this as he sinks into the bath. It is better than trying to resist the desire to strike. And he is not sure he cares any longer - he is lost, has been lost for months, and he must hold on to anything he can.